Day 52 What am I so afraid of?

I've always gotten to this point in something- crafting, writing, singing, playing where it's not a block really but a fear... Of what? Accomplishing something? It's so dumb. All I've ever wanted to do is create and when I get a chance to put myself out there I freeze up.

Am I just afraid what I have to offer isn't good enough? Or maybe it is good enough and they expect more of it. What happens if I can't produce it when I need too? I've always been kind of slow creatively. I mean it takes me a while to finish something. It's mostly because I demand perfection from myself on a level no one else would ever really put on me.

I am extremely hard on myself and I know that, but when I open myself up to criticism and it's worse than what I do to myself it's sort of crushing. I'm scared what I have to say or do isn't good enough I suppose. For as much as I put myself through I still make mistakes. I can't come out with a perfect finished product every time. In fact, I can't be perfect at all. There is only one who is perfect.

So what am I afraid of? That I won't measure up to an impossible standard? I geuss in that sense my fears are real. BUT if I realize it's impossible and lay those fears to rest can I move on? They've seemed to stop me in my tracks ever since I can remember.

Today I start stepping out of the fear because I will never be perfect, but I do have something special inside.

Love,

me