Day 46 It's only 18" from your head to your heart, sometimes it seems like miles.

My mind is in an uproar here and I can't seem to slow it down.

Thoughts are racing, legs are pacing, fingers drumming round.

What if? What then? What will be my destiny?

I am the King's and He is mine no matter what life brings.

by Crystal Kilby circa early 1990's

When my dad was being operated on to give him a PCD (Pacer/ Cardio-Defibrillator) I buried myself in the medical library. I couldn't stand the notion my dad wouldn't be around to see me graduate, get married or have my first kid. I was overwhelmed with emotion and the only way I could muddle through it was to understand what the doctors were talking about. So I wrote down everything and instead of waiting idly by in the waiting room I went to the medical library of the Geisinger hospital and sat and read everything I could get my hands on. Funny, I actually wrote my term paper on "Ventricular Tachycardia" and tried to explain a new type of it called "Super V Tach" that they said my dad suffered from. My dad has lived another 15 years and swears he'll be around 10 more!

I've always found a way to process, we all do. It's not always the same as you, so be patient and know that God is working in them too. Even through the medical journals and dictionaries and piles of books God spoke words of peace to me, but my brain had to catch up to my heart (or vise versa) and sometimes that takes time.

Just like in real life, sometimes it gets dark in your spiritual life. You can't see the sun, it doesn't mean it isn't there. Look for your moon. The one who reflects his light constantly in your life. Like PL said to me once, "When hope is hard to find, you can borrow mine." Find that person to lean on until the sun comes out again. Here are some scriptures I hang on to with all my life...

"Be still and know that I am God" Ps 46:10

"Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you." I Peter 5:7

"In this world you will have many troubles, but take heart- I have overcome the world!" Jn 16:33

God give me peace and rest. Remind me every moment that you are in the tiniest detail to the biggest obstacles. You are always here.

Love,

me