There was a time in my life when the weight of the things that happened to me this week both inside and outside the walls of my house would have sent me in a downward spiral of guilt, stress and depression. I would have made decisions based on these emotions and laid myself down as a door mat because that's all I thought I was good for.
However, instead I allowed God in- just a little- to have the bigger stuff I knew would do me no good to carry, and you know what happened? The world did not crumble around me. I said no and the earth did not go off it's axis. I put up a boundary and stuck to it and the result was not my fault and I did not take the blame.
I actually feel lighter. I have a little bounce in my step. Not because it's all peachy and life is roses. I have $.60 in my checking account and the other day we had scrambled eggs for dinner because that's all there was, I'm not sure where the money to fill our oil tank is coming from. These things could be weighing me down like a millstone around my neck. They used too constantly. I am going to say something that will seem odd and maybe even rub you the wrong way but it's the truth for me...
Cancer was a gift. It broke me. It broke my will, my idea I could handle it all, the myth I could do it on my own, and the lie that what I do is who I am. It rocked me to my core and left me shaking. I am who God made me- an heir to the King, in His image, to live life to the fullest. I had no idea the joy there was in trusting Him until I had nothing left to hold on to.
Love,
me
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