Day 40 Again...and with more feeling.

What a crappy day. My anger has been uncontrollable, I'm irritable, a loose cannon, a complete pain in the butt. I not only feel bad for feeling this way, but then you heap on guilt for being like this and anger for being bipolar and depression because I can't fix it and by the time I'm done I am in the fetal position crying my eyes out. What happened? Seems like yesterday I was on cloud nine?

This yo-yo is unbearable. I feel, I react, I feel, I react, I feel... you get it. No matter what the emotion is I react to it and then it triggers something else in me and right now after a bag of chips, a bowl of ice cream, an anxiety pill and a crying fit I feel no better. In fact I feel worse.

God, I don't get it. Why did you make me this way? It makes me feel like a complete failure or an utter lunatic. I can't stand either. I pray, I read my Bible, I counsel with friends and professionals, I am literally trying everyday to get better, but I still feel so broken. I hate this. I just thought you should here it from me... since I know you know it already.

Love,

me