Day 18 So much noise...

Did you ever wonder why life is so distracting? I have been the last 48 hours because I've had so much less distracted than usual. There is the obvious stress of my dad facing risky surgery, but the normal distractions- namely Josiah & Libby- aren't here with me. They are my favorite little distractions:) They keep me busy playing, hugging, thinking, cleaning, etc... These last couple days has me looking inward for lack of anything else to do, and I'll tell you it's scary in there!

Most of us try to keep ourselves busy to avoid this sort of thinking I would guess because it makes us so uncomfortable. So many regrets, so many open doors, so much hurt left unhealed- letting light into those dark rooms allows us to see all those things we've thrown into the closet and hoped to forget about.

Disappointment ranks pretty high on that list for me. Feeling like I could have done more, said more, been more... If I think on it too long it starts to crush me like a thousand stones on my back. A little while ago I heard something that in my 20 plus years of being a Christian and going to church I never heard. God is never disappointed in me.

This was such a foreign concept that it still stuns me. If you think about it though it's true- it is impossible for God to be disappointed. Disappointment happens when an expectation is not met. If God were to have been disappointed in us He would have to expect something different than what we did. Do we suprise God? Certainly not! He knows every hair on our head, there's nothing about our character that is going to catch Him off guard.

So sitting alone here I'm letting God take each stone from my back one by one because that's the best I can do for now, and that's ok.

Love,

me